um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize