Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
