i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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