please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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