I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
