the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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