i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
