Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
