He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize