Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
