A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
