I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
