the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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