i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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