I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
