She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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