it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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