if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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