She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
birth control should be required to get into college
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
