u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
