and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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