i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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