She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
