I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
