Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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