the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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