so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
