I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
