def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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