I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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