I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize