He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
