My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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