I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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