I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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