in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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