I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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