And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
