Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
