I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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