God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
