You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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