he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
