you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
