why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
