I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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