I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
