Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize