I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
