It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
