i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
