my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So. Much. Porn.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
