I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
