Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Congratulations! We have a period
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