Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
