The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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