just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
