I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
