he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
