Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
