Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
