so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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