when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
