You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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