So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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