I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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