Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
