I hate all girls vehemently.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
