nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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