I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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