dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize