How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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