I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
