I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
