When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
