Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We're too hungover to prance.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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